It’s been a pretty serious three weeks on ToughSledding, but it’s almost Friday and definitely time to lighten up. Got tagged with the “25 Things” meme on Facebook today. And while I don’t do memes, I’m sure willing to make fun of them. Here’s what I posted, 25 “random things about me.”
’25 Things’ from an angry old geezer…
It was only a matter of time before someone punished me for all the smart-ass crap I’ve posted on Facebook. Jeff G – you’ll be sorry you tagged me on this!
1. I blog for no apparent reason. So please visit the site and tell me how great I am, OK? Like most bloggers, I’m needy.
2. Teaching requires more time, energy and dedication than anything I ever did in the “real world.” I’d do it for free if I didn’t have to buy beer and ammunition.
3. I’m gonna beat the snot out of the next 50something who says, “When I retire I’d like to get a job like yours – you know one that’s less demanding.” Idiot.
4. One of my hobbies is killing God’s creatures to feed my family and friends. Once you’ve had my venison you’ll never support PETA – never.
5. I can field dress a whitetail in the time it takes most people to brush their teeth.
6. I’m a Facebook whore who accepts friend invitations from almost anyone. In the end, it really doesn’t matter much, because we’re just pretending to be friends.
7. I attended Ohio U when the famous Halloween celebration began (1974). I’m pretty sure it was my idea, but I don’t remember much about my years at America’s premier party school. I did meet this really cool chick, though. See #23.
8. My barber is a Steeler fan and a deer hunter. I tip him 35% because we never run short of relevant conversation. Try that on Facebook!
9. I relish being a pain-in-the-ass Steeler fan living in Browns country, but I only do it to piss people off. Hell, I don’t even read the sports page.
10. I can’t decide who’s the hottest babe in the comic pages: The curvaceous Blondie Bumstead or the sultry Abbey Spencer, from “Judge Parker.” I lean toward Abbey, as she’s a redhead and rich.
11. Winter is my favorite season since I have the outdoors to myself while the rest of you wimps are cowering around your space heaters.
12. I don’t use an iPod because listening to tunes while biking, hiking, skiing or kayaking drowns out Mother Nature’s music. I teach podcasting, but don’t listen to them because most of ‘em suck.
13. I oppose capital punishment except for those caught text messaging while driving, as you seem intent on imposing the death penalty on the rest of us.
14. While folks are saving money and storing food for the ongoing recession, I’m stockpiling ammunition.
15. Speaking of ammo, I still don’t have a conceal-and-carry permit – one of my life goals. Nevertheless, I hope you’ll still consider me dangerous, even though I’m not armed – at least not all the time.
16. The world’s best whiskey comes from Kentucky, but I’ll tolerate your high-priced, snooty single-malt scotch if you want to pour me a glass. I prefer it neat.
17. There’s no computer in my doctor’s exam room, but he still manages to go digital at one point of my annual physical. It’s a bitch getting old.
18. Richard Nixon saved my life. When he canceled the draft to curry favor with voters in 1972, I had already passed my physical and had 1-A status with a lottery number of 57. I voted for McGovern anyway.
19. I’m convinced those who can’t drive a manual transmission are deficient as human beings. Besides, if you have to shift gears you’re less likely to kill people while text messaging.
20. I’ve learned from spending time on Facebook and Twitter that the world is populated by millions of people who are pretty full of themselves. I’m a perfect example.
21. I agree with Facebook pal Amanda Chapel that our online connections should be referred to as “friendz.” Because very few of them really are.
22. I consider real friends to be those who’ve been drunk with me around a campfire or who’ve helped me drag a deer out of the woods. One who has done both actually inspired a few of the items in this list, but he keeps a very low profile on FB and I don’t want to “out” him.
23. Of the many decisions I’ve made in this life, the only one I never second-guess is marrying my wife. And yes, she knows I worship her. OK ladies you can say, “awww” now. I can’t help being so goddamn romantic.
24. I won’t be tagging any of my “friendz” on this meme, which means I’ll burn in hell for breaking the chain. But I’ll probably see a lot of you there eventually, as all of my “friendz” are sinners except for Jeff G – though the jury is still out on his sainthood application.
25. I wrote this list to parody the “25 Things” meme. It’s sad, but in social media you have to tell folks when you’re kidding or at least half of them will take you literally. On that, I am not kidding in the least. (Update: On the other hand, pretty much all of this is true, so maybe I’m not kidding at all. I’ll let you decide. Pass the bourbon, will ya?)